'aight...

now that i'm settled...

First, that was a fantastic night, what with the taco bell and "The Proposal." I loved that night, and I remember the nachos we had and how I had barely dipped my stuff in cheese cause i'm a dork and am very... tentative towards cheese. I guess that's what we can say...

Second, I had an amazing time. I wish we could've stayed. Though the trip really made me think, especially with what you were saying for a good part of the 'trip'. I was thinking negatively, but not in a "I'm so emo :<" way, in a "This is bad, hao fix".
I just get so scared and silly sometimes. I can't wait until we can see each other and have an us day. It's what we need.

Third, sorry I no post sooner, even though I'm pretty sure you didn't read anything last night. I hope last night for you was okay; I immediately went to see my mom, drove my dad back (was drinking), ate dinner, and at 10 PM at night in the middle of the dark drove back out to mascoutah to go spend the night with my mom. I had to wake up at 6 and drive back and be home by 7:30, sadly. I didn't get a single fucking bit of sleep, worst night of sleeping in my life. Ugh. Maybe I'll go try to nap..

I really, really love you & miss you, Brittnee. <3

blah. already leaving.

i'm leaving (as soon as I get home, go figure) but as soon as I get back, I got a big update for you, Goldfish. <3 And I'll comment on your stuff.

In case you read this...

I'm still fine, I'm doing amazing, and nothing is wrong with me. :)
I'm going to see you all day thursday. I'm going to be happier than ever when I run up to you, unlike tuesday. Can you promise me you'll do the same? :<

A message to my Princess.

I understand you probably won't be able to read this until after you and I talk some day, but just in case you do read this I wanted to say a few things.

I'm sorry that I ignored you. I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you in your time of need. Sure, I may have won our match, but I wish I didn't play it and talked to you instead. I don't know why I didn't. Bah.

I just really miss you. After we were done, I just sat here and kind of felt bummed. I hope you're okay at home. I'm sending you kissies through my window- blowing them and hoping you receive them... I love you. I hope you can forgive me.

p.s., my grandma says hi and that she loves you. I told her you do as well. Then again, she never forgets you do.

I really did it to myself this time...

It's 12:55 AM. I just got finished playing/watching the whole remake of resident evil for the gamecube, and how fucking scary that game is... I went into the kitchen and grabbed something to drink. Turned off the light, then the whole house was completely dark. I went into panic mode and ran to my room. I'm such a little girl...

I'm scared. D: monsters need to go away, wtfx.

Even though you tease the hell out of me...

And last night the teasing was extreme...

I'm going to come see you Tuesday, hopefully, and I'd much prefer to put my little message into words rather than on this blog, but happy 18 months, Goldfish. We've gone through a lot of things together, and I like to think that my promise has held through for the most part. "Through thick and thin- I'll be here." Don't you think I've held that promise?
I love you so much, and I can only imagine what we're going to encounter in our life as we grow old together. All I need is you by my side, and I think I'll be ready for anything and everything. <33

I'm a heavy thinker.

Caramel popcorn is all in my teeth, I'm watching Trailer Park Boys, extremely hot in my room as I'm sitting in nothing but my boxers, and I'm feeling a little alone tonight. Here I come to post a little something.

Last night after I had arrived home from seeing the most wonderful woman in the world, I had a complete moment of silence in my room. I didn't hear any TV, none of my parents were talking, I didn't even hear any fans. Just utter complete silence. I had some light as I sat there before I did anything, just looking down at a piece of paper that was in my hands.

It was a little note my wonderful girlfriend had written for me while she was in class. While I wish she would do her work, I know she only would do something like this if she had the free time, so I'm not at all mad for her not paying attention in class. I know her so well, I know she was paying attention. She did this to surprise me.

The note was talking about our love, and how she considers herself extremely lucky to have me, and how much she really cherishes me. It made me stop to think about how much she tells me she loves me, and how much she misses me and wants to be held by me, about how she's sorry and blames herself for the predicament we're in regarding our relationship. It's perfectly clear to me that she absolutely loves me, and that she believes I'm her soulmate. It made me get lumpy throated and cold-hearted, as I shed one single tear quietly.

I never show her any appreciation, not nearly as much as she does. I ignore her every time we talk to play a video game (Maybe not the whole time, but the fact is I do.) I've told her in a very rude, mean way that "I cant talk" during my vacation, when I would have never done that to begin with. Sometimes I feel lonely and left out without her, and when my friends talk to me about their relationships or ask me about mine, they make me feel so bad like I don't even have a girlfriend- But I do, and they're totally mistaken assholes.

I just feel so bad about the whole thing, and I really needed to say something. I love you, Brittnee, with all my heart. Without you, things have been terrible in so many ways. I stopped being responsible in a gigantic variety of ways, I've always come to worry thinking that our relationship might not last, I've even had a few girls try to steal me away from you. All of which I basically shoved it all back in their face, as you're aware. ;) I could never be with any other woman other than you, I can't even fathom it

I just really wanted to say that I love you, and if it wasn't for you I don't know what I would be doing with myself today. I just needed to say that I plan on showing my love and affection for you in some way, soon, even though it's extremely difficult as you can't keep anything. But I'm trying, I promise you, I am trying. I'm going back on track with responsibilities, and I plan on giving you my love and attention the whole way through. I smile and get lumpy throated when I think about you and I living together... About us being engaged... Gah. I shouldn't say anything about that- I don't want to ruin any surprises. ;) (Such a tease!)

I love you, Babygirl. I just wanted you to know. <3

http://i.imgur.com/TnkuB.gif

So... Day 1.

Today's Sunday, tomorrow's Monday.  Tomorrow I get to see the one and only. :) I hope she's feeling better. </3

Right now I'm setting a goal for myself, mainly because I'm tired of procrastination and being an idiot. And having low self esteem. We're going to see if I can maintain running 4 days a week. Right now I'm writing reminders all over my wall, and frequent websites I visit, just to make sure I don't give up on it, along with my main reasons to get back into shape.

I have broken english in all sorts right now, so none of what I just posted probably made sense, but I've been sorta bummed and broken. After a series of incidents, I'm tired of basically being a fatty. I was under 200 pounds whenever I was dating Brittnee, all thanks to seeing her, but ever since January I've done up in weight. Hello fatness of 230 lbs. :| Really, 232. I had started running for a bit, then the vacation happened and that went to shit. Now I'm dead serious. I just poured out all the soda I -just- bought for myself, that's kinda funny.

updates later, but I'm leaving in a bit then running immediately afterward.

Mm, tomorrow I start a project.

A fun little project, I think. In the morning I plan on talking to my Babygirl, getting awoken somehow from her. During the time I talk and email her, I found something to do that will occupy me while I talk to her. I hope she likes it, she'll see it by the time her dad gets home! <3

I'm just posting around, I've had a bad day and needed to say something to bring a smile to my face.

One of the worst parts: My necklace my Baby gave me last year is rusting. :( At the joins of the necklace, basically at the butt of the necklace. It's not hard to wear, but I think it's either going to be unwearable or break in the next month or two. D:

IT'S FRIDAY! FRIDAY!

...You know what that means?
Tomorrow, I get to talk to my woman.
Then Sunday..? I get to talk to my woman some more.
Then Monday, I talk to my woman a lot more! :D

I'm getting sick, I think. I've been debating going to see a doctor, my nose/throat sucks so bad. :X

Anyway, random little thought. I'm excited. About 20 hours left! :D

It's Monday night.

4th of July was an absolute disaster for us, but no one's hurt.
Right now I'm just counting down the time until it's Thursday, that way I get to go see my Babygirl.

What? You thought I forgot about you? Please, Woman... you've been on my mind ever since this vacation started, you've been haunting my thoughts, and I can't stop thinking about you.

I love you, Goldfish. <3 I'll see you soon, and talk to you sooner than that. ;D <3 Xoxoxo

Day 1 & 2: How aren't we dead yet?

Days one and two of this amazing vacation has been something ridiculous, let me reassure you guys.

It all started with Dugen sending me a text in the whee hours of the morning. "I'm running this close, I'm scared." "...What?" "It says the airports 89 miles away, and I'm going 86, and my flight leaves in an hour." "WHY DID YOU WAIT SO LONG TO LEAVE, BRO?" "i've got it under control."
Dugen was running a little late, and the MINIMUM he went on the highway was 12 over the speed limit. He even found himself going 95 at one point in time, in a 60 for fuck sake.
He made it to the airport on time, he got in line 35 minutes before his flight left. However, he wasn't helped until 29 minutes before. He got into a huge fight with the woman behind the desk, she refused to let him on the plane because he was 29 minutes early instead of 30.
"You're telling me that one minute means everything, huh?" "That's right, sir. I'm sorry, sir, I cannot let you on that plane." He was furious, fucking pissed: Because we found out he could get on the next flight(s), the next to Denver was at 8 PM, and the next to STL was going to be 10 PM at night on thursday, meaning he would've been arriving TODAY. Ugh.
It all got sorted out, though, he's here, basically one of the guys snuck him through the line and told him "it's dumb, she should've let you go. Just run to your plane."

I eventually had to wait six douchebagging hours (I WAS SO BORED) until I went to go pick up Tyler & Dugen from the airport. Dugens flight came in at 6 PM on the fucking dot, and Tyler's came in at 6:30. It wouldn't worked amazingly, and we would've been golden. I got on the metro at 4:30, arriving at about 5:30 at the airport and waiting 30 minutes for Dugen, until I find out he has a delay in Denver. Shearing winds, tornados. Dugens plane was over two hours late. I found Tyler and we waited from about 6:30 until about 7:35 when Dugen got in. The second we got in we booked it to the metro and left and came back home. We didn't get in Swansea until about 9. We went to Shop'N'Save for sun screen and soda, tea and juice, then we went to steak n shake and ate quickly. We got home at about 10, when we surprised Craig and basically hung out for 4 hours at my house and going to walmart cause we're retarded.

Six flags was Thursday, we woke up with only slept for about 3 hours that whole night, got a nice breakfast, wasn't really prepared, and left early to get there early. It wasn't worth it at all. My stomach was killing me from the lack of sleep all day, and about 3 hours into it a huge headache started to kick in, yet everyone else was fine. Dugen got blisters on his foot from the water park, and Craig's sunglasses broke, but stuff happens. There's so much that went wrong at six flags, but overall my day completely sucked at six flags. I really don't want to go back; I don't think I will.

We got back from six flags and grandma cooked us some amazing dinner, then we went and played poker, watched jackass 3.5 then just messed around in my house until 4. And I just woke up at 11.

A lot of bad things happened; I made the most amazing woman I know (In fact, I'm dating her.) feel lonely and abandoned, as well as not cared for. I'm just trying my best to let her know that isn't the case and that I love her very much. My headache and stomachache hasn't really disappeared, but despite all of that it's been the funniest vacation yet. I'm going to die of laughter.