I'm a heavy thinker.

Caramel popcorn is all in my teeth, I'm watching Trailer Park Boys, extremely hot in my room as I'm sitting in nothing but my boxers, and I'm feeling a little alone tonight. Here I come to post a little something.

Last night after I had arrived home from seeing the most wonderful woman in the world, I had a complete moment of silence in my room. I didn't hear any TV, none of my parents were talking, I didn't even hear any fans. Just utter complete silence. I had some light as I sat there before I did anything, just looking down at a piece of paper that was in my hands.

It was a little note my wonderful girlfriend had written for me while she was in class. While I wish she would do her work, I know she only would do something like this if she had the free time, so I'm not at all mad for her not paying attention in class. I know her so well, I know she was paying attention. She did this to surprise me.

The note was talking about our love, and how she considers herself extremely lucky to have me, and how much she really cherishes me. It made me stop to think about how much she tells me she loves me, and how much she misses me and wants to be held by me, about how she's sorry and blames herself for the predicament we're in regarding our relationship. It's perfectly clear to me that she absolutely loves me, and that she believes I'm her soulmate. It made me get lumpy throated and cold-hearted, as I shed one single tear quietly.

I never show her any appreciation, not nearly as much as she does. I ignore her every time we talk to play a video game (Maybe not the whole time, but the fact is I do.) I've told her in a very rude, mean way that "I cant talk" during my vacation, when I would have never done that to begin with. Sometimes I feel lonely and left out without her, and when my friends talk to me about their relationships or ask me about mine, they make me feel so bad like I don't even have a girlfriend- But I do, and they're totally mistaken assholes.

I just feel so bad about the whole thing, and I really needed to say something. I love you, Brittnee, with all my heart. Without you, things have been terrible in so many ways. I stopped being responsible in a gigantic variety of ways, I've always come to worry thinking that our relationship might not last, I've even had a few girls try to steal me away from you. All of which I basically shoved it all back in their face, as you're aware. ;) I could never be with any other woman other than you, I can't even fathom it

I just really wanted to say that I love you, and if it wasn't for you I don't know what I would be doing with myself today. I just needed to say that I plan on showing my love and affection for you in some way, soon, even though it's extremely difficult as you can't keep anything. But I'm trying, I promise you, I am trying. I'm going back on track with responsibilities, and I plan on giving you my love and attention the whole way through. I smile and get lumpy throated when I think about you and I living together... About us being engaged... Gah. I shouldn't say anything about that- I don't want to ruin any surprises. ;) (Such a tease!)

I love you, Babygirl. I just wanted you to know. <3