it's natural

"It's natural for the bird to leave the nest."
That's a quote that was given to me from my Grandmother Martha a few years ago when I was on vacation, during my senior year. As of last night, I just remembered it, and I can't seem to remember when I've wanted to leave my house the most.

I'm so sick of this shit. I'm so sick of dealing with every goddamned bit of bullshit that I deal with on a daily basis from everybody in my life. Including Dugen. My parents are just complete jackoffs lately, and my grandmother has honestly been turning against me. It's almost like she doesn't care about me. My father has absolutely no respect for anyone or anything, and does nothing but raise my blood pressure. I haven't been home for a while, when I came back from school Monday my grandmother and father were gone until about 10:30. Tuesday I didn't come home until 8:30-ish, and then I didn't see or talk to my parents until again 10:30/11. Wednesday was a repeat of Monday, and Tuesday I finally came home. Within 20 minutes, I was so fucking angry and wanted to just knock out everyone. :| angerangeranger.

Later that night I ended up getting into an argument with my grandmother, and I've never felt so betrayed, so... unloved, so unsupported in my life. I felt like just dropping out of school and moving out and never returning to this hell hole with all the demons. It doesn't surprise me people brought up stuff about my mother, which they have absolutely no right to talk about her after all they put my poor mother through. So not only did I get an ulcer from stress, my blood pressure raised, disappointment and an overall feeling of discomfort from what my grandma said to me, but they kept near guilt tripping me about my mother. Fantastic. :|

Honestly. I'm truly a happy person under two conditions, with any other factors not even factoring in.

The first one is when I'm not at this place.. No matter what, I could be at school, I could be pulled over by a cop. If I'm not at this place, I'm completely happy. I was happy for that 4-day period without talking to either of my parents. This isn't home. This is a fucking bullshit disaster excuse of a shelter.

The second one is the most important one, I could be losing my life from a murder stabbing my back and stomach and I could still be happy under this condition. The most important one is whenever I'm with my Engagie, and she knows who she is. In fact, she (or you) are probably reading this right now. Hey there. You haven't missed much.

I've really needed an outlet of either anger or just ranting ever since yesterday, but I had nothing to do it to. I had to just ramble on here, it was my only invitation to lose the frustration. It's why my random thoughts are coming down onto here.

I'm just so fucking sick of everything. I'm now getting judged, and near punished for every little thing I do in my life right now.

I really need a hug. I really needed someone's voice today. I was so let down when I didn't get that.